"Alone Inside of Me"
It stirs inside of you rapidly,
Scratching and clawing its way down every bone and intestine.
It festers, lingers, and yet has no business being there.
It makes your whole body confused
Throws your moral compass off track
Your vision becomes blurred
Emotions are no longer clear
And all choices are impulsive.
It colts itself,
No worries of destruction because it will prevail,
For what can defeat it?
It remains in you so it has won already!
It will and has prevailed
its stronger than any man or being.
Once it’s there; you don’t release it and it won’t pleasantly escape.
It’s a battle of the ages just to contain it
Nevertheless to destroy it, help tries to drown you.
Doctors feeding you with medications
Only cause more side-affects.
That’s how it wins though.
It can never be defeated, nor can it be tamed.
It can be penetrated
but then,
Just as a knife cuts into skin, blood spills everywhere.
As we penetrate it, it’s contaminates every part of you.
Spilling its toxins not only in every vein of yours,
But spitting venom in the words you speak towards others.
How can you ever feel safe at home,
when inside is where you’re imprisoned?
How can you run from something that remains inside of the body you sprint?
How can you breathe when while you expand and collapse your lungs,
It clings tight for the ride making it harder and shorter.
We all know this feeling,
Why must I feel like a stranger or more attacked than others?
Behind my Jekyll there is a Hyde.
Behind my Hyde there is a Jekyll.
This demon of which I cannot contain consumes me.
God is my peace, but how close must I get?
Why would I want my only peace to be so near my greatest darkness?
How can I manage to hurt and wound so many bystanders?
How can I manage to ruin everything from just this emotional terrorist?
It happens,
I must face the wrath.
I must deal with the preposterous explanatory descriptions.
I must battle this, with GOD and Him alone.
It cannot be defeated,
But it can be dealt with.
I cling tight for my loved ones,
I just hope I don’t ruin their place in my heart before I get to my reformation.
I suffer with this for my country,
Because of war,
And because of being castaway.
Some are prisoned for their own reasons.
I suffer with this because of my will to protect.
I wanted help, I should’ve been treated.
My country now forgets me,
More than just me,
Others are out there crying alone.
They don’t know how to speak,
Describe with words or emotions.
It doesn’t stop with just this,
He has cousins waiting to attack as well.
I fear sleep will not be of my nature for months,
The nights are long and my eyes are black.
I fantasize for just one good nights rest.
I was willing to give up my life for this great nation,
Yes I made that choice.
My life I gave up because of this great nation,
Yes, they made that choice.
But, who am I to blame,
Ignorance is accepted now.
Alone like a centipede, nobody wants to bother.
I am crying, I am crying,
LLORANDO, LLORANDO!
Alone,
inside of me,
I am alone.
During the peak of my anxiety, I had to silently calm my surroundings and throw my pain into words. This was by far my hardest yet most meaningful poem to write..
-Thanksgiving of 2012
It stirs inside of you rapidly,
Scratching and clawing its way down every bone and intestine.
It festers, lingers, and yet has no business being there.
It makes your whole body confused
Throws your moral compass off track
Your vision becomes blurred
Emotions are no longer clear
And all choices are impulsive.
It colts itself,
No worries of destruction because it will prevail,
For what can defeat it?
It remains in you so it has won already!
It will and has prevailed
its stronger than any man or being.
Once it’s there; you don’t release it and it won’t pleasantly escape.
It’s a battle of the ages just to contain it
Nevertheless to destroy it, help tries to drown you.
Doctors feeding you with medications
Only cause more side-affects.
That’s how it wins though.
It can never be defeated, nor can it be tamed.
It can be penetrated
but then,
Just as a knife cuts into skin, blood spills everywhere.
As we penetrate it, it’s contaminates every part of you.
Spilling its toxins not only in every vein of yours,
But spitting venom in the words you speak towards others.
How can you ever feel safe at home,
when inside is where you’re imprisoned?
How can you run from something that remains inside of the body you sprint?
How can you breathe when while you expand and collapse your lungs,
It clings tight for the ride making it harder and shorter.
We all know this feeling,
Why must I feel like a stranger or more attacked than others?
Behind my Jekyll there is a Hyde.
Behind my Hyde there is a Jekyll.
This demon of which I cannot contain consumes me.
God is my peace, but how close must I get?
Why would I want my only peace to be so near my greatest darkness?
How can I manage to hurt and wound so many bystanders?
How can I manage to ruin everything from just this emotional terrorist?
It happens,
I must face the wrath.
I must deal with the preposterous explanatory descriptions.
I must battle this, with GOD and Him alone.
It cannot be defeated,
But it can be dealt with.
I cling tight for my loved ones,
I just hope I don’t ruin their place in my heart before I get to my reformation.
I suffer with this for my country,
Because of war,
And because of being castaway.
Some are prisoned for their own reasons.
I suffer with this because of my will to protect.
I wanted help, I should’ve been treated.
My country now forgets me,
More than just me,
Others are out there crying alone.
They don’t know how to speak,
Describe with words or emotions.
It doesn’t stop with just this,
He has cousins waiting to attack as well.
I fear sleep will not be of my nature for months,
The nights are long and my eyes are black.
I fantasize for just one good nights rest.
I was willing to give up my life for this great nation,
Yes I made that choice.
My life I gave up because of this great nation,
Yes, they made that choice.
But, who am I to blame,
Ignorance is accepted now.
Alone like a centipede, nobody wants to bother.
I am crying, I am crying,
LLORANDO, LLORANDO!
Alone,
inside of me,
I am alone.
During the peak of my anxiety, I had to silently calm my surroundings and throw my pain into words. This was by far my hardest yet most meaningful poem to write..
-Thanksgiving of 2012
